A friend and I were talking about surprising new jobs, like professional cuddling services. What a commentary on the isolated world we live in, that people need to pay for platonic human contact.
We were mulling the irony of how technologically connected people are via social media, chat rooms, or even e-mails, but how it erodes simple face-to-face contact. It’s even tempting for my family and me to sit in our living room and look at our tech devices rather than talk. It’s a conscious effort to adhere to our rule of “no tech at the dinner table.”
I, ever the opportunist, have seized upon this concept to create some possible new job opportunities for myself. They are as follows:
Misery coach at Your Miserable Life
Going through a rough time? Can’t seem to find the energy to get off the sofa and stop moping? I will be your paid friend/ therapist/ chauffeur/ misery assistant/ walking buddy/ food service.
I’ll come to your house and encourage you to feel better. If that means talking for a while, great. If I can encourage you to walk or exercise, we’ll do that.
If you don’t have the headspace to even book an appointment like a massage or therapy, I’ll do that for you, then take you there. I’ll bring you food if you’re too depressed to care for your nutritional needs.
I thought about the marketing aspect of calling a business “Your Miserable Life,” and considered holistic sounding names that might include words like “wellness” or “peaceful.” But nah. It is what it is, and if you’re miserable and you can own it enough to hire me, then you won’t mind the name.
Professional compliment-giver at Get Your Dopamine Fix
Have a low self-esteem or an insatiable ego? Are you reliant on Facebook compliments to give you a dopamine fix?
I will offer you the service of giving you compliments. For one hour, I will provide a minimum of 15 compliments, one Duchenne smile, and three platonic social touches.
We can do this digitally, though I can also meet you in person. In-person rates apply.
…So that’s the start of my White Paper. Any sign ups?