How to forgive

Olivia holds grudges, and has come to me to talk about it. She wants to get back at someone who hurt her feelings. That’s normal.

So I thought about what to tell her on how to let it go. Energy is precious. You don’t realize how precious it is until you don’t have it regularly.


I tell her it’s not worth it to waste energy on people who don’t matter. You aren’t going to get along with everyone in life.

Let’s say you don’t like everyone at work. That’s pretty common.

What you have to do is realize everyone shares a universal goal of being happy, and maybe they teased you because they’re not happy. You don’t know what their daily struggle is.

After the initial hurt, just understand that it’s not always personal. Sometimes you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time and received their bad mood.

Look at them with compassion. Don’t engage.

What if they’re people who do matter? You still have to find compassion.

After decades of being frustrated with a close relative, I reached a place of acceptance. The relationship will probably not change, it will always hurt me a little, and I will always love them simply because they’re my blood. My hope is that they find peace in this life.

We’re all connected. If I antagonize someone because they hurt me, then two people are grumpy, and what does that do?

Send one more bitter person into the world to go snap at the cashier at the grocery story or have road rage at a fellow driver? Then that cycle continues?

It’s better to be peaceful. It’s not weakness to deflect negativity. It’s strength.

Conversely, someone did something nice for me. It was unexpected, and though small, it made my morning.

It made me want to do something nice for someone else. Wouldn’t it be nice to focus on that?

I’m not sure if I got it right, or if there’s more to say on forgiveness. This is how I deal with it. What do you think?

Author(s) on this Post

Diane Ako

Peace of mind By Diane Ako I like to reflect on life. Sometimes it’s philosophically. Sometimes it’s humorously. For all its beauty, life is far too difficult a journey to take alone. You need the support and connection with others to help carry you along the way. Writing brings me that connection– within and without. It clarifies my thoughts and feelings. It helps me reach out to others for advice, wisdom, or feedback. Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions become you. A wise yogi- Patanjali- said, “Speak what is true. Speak what is pleasant.” Let’s speak of things pleasant to one another and seek some peace of mind along the way. ABOUT Diane Ako joined Hawaii: In Real Life in October 2016. She likes being part of a community of local bloggers – people who like writing and sharing, like she does. Ako is an anchor/ reporter at Island News (KITV4 – ABC) in Honolulu. She previously anchored and reported at KHON2 (FOX) and KHNL (NBC), and at stations in California, New Mexico, and Pennsylvania. She freelance writes for NMG Network's magazines. In between news jobs, in 2017, she launched and ran her own p.r. company, Diane Ako PR. From 2010-2014, she headed the public relations department at Halekulani Corporation, which oversees luxury resort Halekulani and boutique hotel Waikiki Parc. She’s been blogging since 2009 – before Hawaii: IRL, she wrote for The Honolulu Star-Advertiser, the state’s largest daily newspaper, where her stories garnered a dozen journalism awards and an Emmy nomination. Ako has a BA in Communications from Menlo College and an MA in Political Science from University of Hawaii at Manoa. She volunteers as a board member of the Honolulu Gay & Lesbian Cultural Foundation, a Shinto shrine maiden at Daijingyu Temple, a citizen-scientist studying shrimp, and a yoga teacher at a senior center.

Diane Ako has 274 posts and counting. See all posts by Diane Ako

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