Bourne Identity vs. Bathroom Identity

Scene from 2002’s The Bourne Identity:

Jason Bourne: “I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs 215 pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know who I am?”

Scene from 2017’s TR Fire Grill Waikiki:

Diane to Claus, upon first entering the restaurant: “When Olivia and I came here for the media preview, they had the speeches on those stairs over there. Beyond those stairs is the lobby of Hilton Garden Inn Waikiki Beach, which you have to enter to get to the bathroom.”

Claus at our table. Stairwell is behind him.

Claus: “I love the sequence of your description: Stairs, speeches, bathroom. That’s what’s important to you?”

Diane: “I’ve been a mom for ten years now. These are the things I automatically take notice of. I’m that scene from Bourne Identity, except I have the location and travel times to all public restrooms mapped out for the island of Oahu. I can tell you it’s 50 paces and one minute to get to this bathroom from our table- a right turn and a right turn out the door- and that it’s a two-stall deal. I know you need a keycard to enter. I have extra tissue in my purse, as well as hand sanitizer. Of course I know or have these things, because I am a mother.”

Claus: *eye roll*

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One thought on “Bourne Identity vs. Bathroom Identity

  • June 15, 2017 at 1:40 am
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    lol — that’s pretty observant. In a way, this is similar to my Mom when we eat at the Kailua Assaggio’s because she only wants salad from ONE server, Merrit, and nobody else. 😛

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